


The Rain / A Scar

by bogfable



Series: Ruining Someone (SlavAU) [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: AU, Alternative Universe - Human, Angst, Depression, F/F, Human AU, Intrusive Thoughts, Mental Health Issues, POV Second Person, Unhealthy Relationships, Vignette, jaspis - Freeform, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 11:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15242493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bogfable/pseuds/bogfable
Summary: A Slav AU one-shot, in which Lapis drives far to pick of Jasper from the train station after she is forced to leave military training.. (Set before Mala is born)"The sky is grey, blotchy like watercolour. On your drive to the train station you find yourself longing to get back home to your painting. The rumbling clouds overhead look as if they had drifted right off your paper. Only beneath your painted clouds there’s a roaring ocean rather than a long, empty road…"





	The Rain / A Scar

The sky is grey, blotchy like watercolour. On your drive to the train station you find yourself longing to get back home to your painting. The rumbling clouds overhead look as if they had drifted right off your paper. Only beneath your painted clouds there’s a roaring ocean rather than a long, empty road. 

The rain is pattering on the windows. It comforts you, lulling you. You find yourself drifting away and becoming aware of everything again. Your thoughts are slippery. You’ve missed her. Like biting teeth, something in your head clarifies, _You missed hurting her_. 

There’s a lurch in the road and a lurch in your stomach that draws your attention back to driving. You shake your head, physically trying to shake away your thoughts. _Monster._

You groan, rolling your eyes. Over the years you’ve grown so used to these thoughts that on good days like these you find them laughable. You find a dark humour in nodding your head and saying “Yeah, okay. Sure.” as you pull into the station carpark. Before you turn off the car radio you glance at the time. Just after 9am. You’re late by fifteen minutes. Still, you sit for a moment, looking at yourself in the mirror, fixing smudged makeup and willing yourself to open the car door. A couple more minutes pass. Jasper will be getting antsy. But to your credit at least you actually got out of bed.

 

* * *

 

She’s standing on the clearing platform. You can’t miss her, standing a head taller than everyone else. She frowns at the floor, wrapped tight in a fur collared coat. It’s cold for April, but then again it always is. The last of the crowd is trickling away as you step quietly towards her. Only when you reach her side do you speak.

“Hey,” you say, voice low.

Jasper startles. She turns to you and her lights up. She hugs you so tight that you can barely breathe. For a moment you don’t move, you’re listening to her breath. It shudders and you pray she won’t cry. You hug back cautiously, growing aware that your public display of affection is not welcome. You pull back before she can kiss you.

“Careful,” you tell her. “Not here.” 

She presses her lips together, nodding.

“I missed you,” she says as you walk back to the car. 

You nod, unlocking the car doors, unable to look her in the eye.

“I love you.” 

You feel a buzz of warmth pass through you. It lands, cooled, in your stomach, a heavy stone that makes you nauseous with guilt. Jasper opens the trunk, tossing in her bags with a grunt, before settling in the passenger seat. For a moment she adjusts the chair, giving herself leg room. She sits back and sighs as the engine sputters and you pull out the carpark.

 

* * *

 

For the first half hour of the drive home neither of you can bring yourselves to speak. Not even Jasper, the kind of person who fills every silence with noise. Out of the corner of your eye you can see her eyelids growing heavy and the dark, newly formed creases beneath her eyes. She looks old and tired, the youthful face she’d worn up until she’d left is finally gone. It’s all in the eyes. 

_She matches you now._

All you hear is the car and the rain. Yours is the only car on the road for miles. In silence like this intrusive thoughts creep up on you, growing over you like dark roots, spreading and winding. You grip the steering wheel, pushing back each thought telling you to swerve the car into the ditch on the side of the road. The thoughts build and build and build until you can’t trust yourself any longer. You pull over, partially on the road, partially on the grass, stopping short of the ditch. 

Jasper turns to you, looking you up and down. 

“What are you doing?” she asks. 

You can’t speak. You just need a moment. So you unbuckle your seatbelt and step out into the cold, misty drizzle. You walk quickly, stopping a short distance from the front of the car, pulling your wool cardigan tight against your skin. Drizzle sticks to your face, gathering in beads on your eyelashes and the hair on the back of your neck. Low clouds creep slowly nearer. It’s so dark that you’d think it was the gloaming. The unkept grass on the slope before you ripples in the breeze, sending shivers up your arms. There’s a slamming of a door followed by fast, heavy footsteps. 

“Lapis-” Jasper starts, her chest rising and falling. “What are you doing?”

You sigh a shivering exhale, teeth chattering as you shake your head.

“Can you drive?” you manage to whisper. 

For a moment Jasper doesn’t reply, as if she had to strain to hear and is figuring it out.

“Sure.” She nods.

Once you’re back to the car Jasper adjusts the driver’s seat and gets in. You slump into the passenger seat, legs stretched heavily out in front of you. You can’t even reach the console. Jasper snorts a quiet laugh, rubbing her hands together and blowing into them. She runs her fingers through her hair, shaking off the droplets that speckle it, and rubs at her face with her sleeve. At once you notice two things: her lack of eyeliner and the deep, healing scar curving over her cheekbone. 

“Jasper,” you say, getting her attention as she starts the engine. “Is that why you left?” 

“Huh? What?” she asks, turning slightly towards you, keeping her eyes on the road. You hesitate, watching the scenery slip by as the car speeds up. 

“…Never mind,” you mumble.

There’s a tense silence. It has the potential to become smothering. You can feel your mood slipping already. As if you’re only just keeping your head above the surface. 

You can’t help but sigh with relief when Jasper clicks on the radio.


End file.
